On my way to preach my first spanish sermon...un poquito nervioso

Last Saturday night I preached in Spanish for the first time ever!  It was such a wonderful milestone for me.  I was so excited afterwards.  I mean, I did not read my sermon notes in spanish and every once in a while look up.  No, I preached a message from the Bible all in Spanish.  I maybe just looked down at my notes once or twice the entire time.  It was great.  I spoke at a church youth meeting at a church in Managua that a friend of mine invited me to.  I spoke for about 45 minutes.  I still can hardly believe that I did it.  I mean, I know I said some words wrong, but I didn’t have any long pauses.  I didn’t get stuck in the middle of a sentence.  I was able to articulate truth from God’s Word and that is what it is all about.  There were about 35 youth and young adults who were there.

I spoke about what it means to say that “God is faithful”…the idea that God is indeed faithful, but faithfulness has to be according to something.  I used the illustration of marriage and how faithfulness is determined in marriage in accordance with the vows and the covenant that was made before God and before witnesses.  These vows serve as the parameters for knowing how we are to remain in faithfulness and thereby remain under the blessings and promises that a marriage brings.  That in the same way, God is faithful according to His Word, and His Word is what serves as the parameters for us to know how to remain in His faithfulness and thereby receive the blessings of that faithfulness.  I shared that we as Christians can only “claim” those things which are found promised in His Word, and nothing else.  The prosperity gospel(name it and claim it) is pretty rampant here in Nicaragua, so I know that what I was saying was a direct attack against such heresy, and all I did was use Scripture to back up everything that I said.

As often has been the case, once again what I have learned about God, faith, hope, truth, etc from the Lord calling Susana home to Heaven was used in my sermon to communicate Biblical truth.  I shared about how when Susana was sick with cancer that we heard from several people telling us that we simply had to lay our hands on Susana and declare that she was healed in the name of Jesus.  I shared with them that within the parameters of God’s faithfulness to His Word, that He nowhere gives the believer the promise that their children or loved ones are never going to die early.  On the contrary, He shows us according to His faithful parameters that this world is under a curse because of sin, and with that curse comes all sorts of disease, suffering, and death, including children’s cancer.  But that within the parameters of His Word we are also told of Christ our Redeemer who has come to free us from the curse that leads to eternal death.  His redemption is for our eternal souls and our new glorified body that we will one day receive, but not for our corrupted bodies here on this earth.  Because this is given in His Word as His parameters, I have no right to “claim” physical healing on my sick child.  I can ask God to heal.  I can beg God.  I can pray morning, noon, and night, but I don’t have any Scriptural basis to “claim” her healing.  But what I do have Scriptural basis to “claim” is the fact that she is in Heaven with Jesus.  I can “claim” the promise that those who have trusted in Christ alone will not die, but have eternal life.  These are things that I can “claim” with joy because these are within the parameters of what God has set in His Word.  God is faithful.  And His faithfulness is unending…but His faithfulness has been set by parameters according to His Word.  And we cannot just claim anything simply because we are Christians.

Anyway, that’s what I shared about.  I had some good feedback afterwards and the youth leader shared that what I spoke about really spoke to his heart and helped him understand a better context for his own suffering. I thank the Lord that I was able to glorify God through sharing about Susana and the promises of resurrected life and hope in Christ that we can “claim”. And I use that word “claim”  lightly because the truth is that it is all a total gift of grace, but nonetheless we can be sure because His Word has given us such a sure promise.  So, praise God that He is still using Susana to make an impact for His glory.  Not that the whole message was about Susana (just my last closing example), but praise God that He uses all things for His glory.

Then, yesterday I met with a pastor who I have been getting to know.  I heard him speak a message on Sunday and he said some things that seemed contrary to Scripture concerning the idea of being able to lose your salvation (another big belief in many of the churches here in Nicaragua).  So, I met with him and had a three hour theology discussion on his front porch…all in spanish.  It was awesome.  I was able to show him so many places in Scripture that give indication that a person that is truly saved and regenerated cannot ever “lose” their salvation.  The Scripture references that he was giving me I was able to show him how these simply indicated that the person who did not “guard” their salvation and did not “remain” or “persevere” does not mean that they lost their salvation, but rather it is an indication that they were never truly saved to begin with.  It was awesome.  Every Scripture that he mentioned, I was able to show him the context of the Scripture and explain, using other Scriptures, how it did not signify that a person could be saved and then lose their salvation.  We had a great time talking about it, and he told me that what I said made a lot of sense and that he was going to really think about it and study it some more.  So, praise God for the opportunity to share the Word of God and try to bring clearer understanding of the truth that He has revealed to us.

I only hope that opportunities to teach, preach, and share on front porches continues to grow.  Please keep us in your prayers.

Today is February 11th…it is the 2 year anniversary of when my little 4 year old princess Susana was called home to Heaven.  It is so hard to believe that it has only been 2 years.  In so many ways, it feels like it has been longer than that.  I mean, so much has happened since then in our lives.  And also so much has changed internally within me.  I have learned so much from God about life, sin, suffering, glory, and hope.  I think about Susana every single day, and trust me, that is not an exaggeration.  She is still part of our lives and family…although we fully are aware that we will not see her agin until we ourselves are called home to Heaven.  So, I think about her all the time, but not always with a heart filled with grief and pain.  Yes, there still is a pain in my heart, and I don’t suppose it will ever go away.  It is in that pain in which I have drawn nearer to the Lord than ever, so I know that He uses that pain for His glory.  But not all my thoughts of her bring about pain and mourning as they first did two years ago.

I give thanks to the Lord that when I think of her, though I may be sad for a moment, I am soon brought to focus on the great hope that I have in Christ.  You see, the thought that my daughter died cannot end just there.  It must lead me somewhere.  She did not just die and fall off into some oblivion.  No, she went somewhere.  And that somewhere is called Heaven…a real place…the dwelling place of God and all the angels and all the saints of God who have already been called home.  This, the very place that I myself am living for.  And my daughter is there…now.  So, my thoughts of her therefore always point me to the greatest hope that God has given me…that those who hope in Christ will not die, but will live forever!

Yes, I miss my little girl.  But I know where she is.  I don’t have just some vague hope in her “spirit” living on around us to touch human life.  I don’t have some fairy tale thoughts of her sitting on rainbows and playing with leprechauns.  There is no hope in any of those things because they are all just based on subjective wishes and feelings.  Those are things that people force themselves to believe because it is the only way they can cope with the thought of their loved one being gone.  People who have no true objective life giving hope are the ones who hope in such things.  It is the only thing they know how to do in order to cope.

But thanks be to God that He gives a hope that is alive…a hope that is real…a hope that is fixed on truth…rooted deep in historical fact, and even deeper rooted in the hearts of those who trust in Him.  O blessed hope that shall never fail!  O Blessed hope that shines brighter than the greatest storms and trials.  O Blessed hope that conquers even the grave.  O Blessed hope that Christ is alive, that He has triumphed over death, and that those who trust in Him will live forever.  Yes, this is what I rejoice in today.  For it is only but for a time that I am separated from my sweet Susana, but thanks be to God for the true living hope that is rooted in my heart…a hope that shows me that I will see my little girl again when I myself have the all surpassing joy of seeing my King face to face.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5 ESV)

Hope is alive…Christ lives!

Happy Anniversary to my sweet Susana.  I miss you.  I love you. – Daddy

El ciego ve, el sordo oirá, los muertos se levantarán… y tú mi Dios por siempre reinará.  Which means…”The blind see, the deaf will hear, the dead will be raised to life, and you my God will reign forever.  This is one of my (Cody) favorite spanish worship songs.  It is by Hillsong.  The name of the song is “Dios Sobre Todo” (God over all)  I love this song because it makes me think of Susana and it reminds me of the incredible hope that we have in Jesus.  That one day, one great and glorious day, the blind will see, the deaf will hear, and the dead will be raised to life.  I am so thankful that those who have already been called home to glory have experienced this amazing truth.  They are living.  They are not dead.  They see God more than ever.  They hear Him perfectly.  They are no longer sick.  They no longer have cancer.  They no longer struggle with sin.  They have been perfected. They are living with the God who reigns forever over all.

And this is the most great and glorious hope that is given to those who trust in Him with their lives.  Can there really be any hope greater than this?  Absolutely not!  This is what we as Christians should be living for every single day of our lives.  This is what we should be proclaiming from the rooftops.  This is where lies our reward. I love the verse in 1Tim:6:17-19  ”In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”  Yes, my friends, those who reside in Heaven are the ones who are really living.  Pity the one who spends his days trying to suck all the marrow out of this life while ignoring the life to come.

These words comfort my heart so much as I still miss my little girl more than any of you can imagine.  I think about her every single day.  Every day I feel the ache in my heart.  My quiet times alone with the Lord each day often involve the shedding of tears as I pour out my heart to the God who holds her close.  It is a struggle which words cannot describe.  It is a place that really only the Lord Himself can meet me and bring me comfort.  And He does.  I fully understand now the verse that says “O death, where is your sting?”  Because, by far, there is no greater sting than the sting of death.  When I allow my mind to dwell on the natural, simply what’s in front of me, that is where I lose the struggle and become overwhelmed with sorrow.  But when I fix my eyes on the unseen (2 Cor.4:18) and reflect on the promises of God for those who hope in Him, then… I still have sorrow because truth doesn’t magically take away pain, but He enables me to bear up under the sorrow and to find my hope in His perfect plan.  It is here that my tears can often be turned to joy as I think about the incredible life that my little Susana is living in the very presence of God and the thought that one day, one great and glorious day, I too will share in that life with her.  O how my heart yearns within me for the day when Jesus returns.

So, this song just turns my eyes to fix on the hope that we have in Christ.  That the blind will one day see, the deaf will one day hear, and the dead will be raised to life.  And we shall all live in the very presence of the living God forever.

And this is what I was able to share last night with a guy I had the opportunity to talk with for about 45 minutes.  The guy was blind.  And as I first sat next to him and started talking to him, I was praying that the Lord would give me an opportunity to share the Gospel with him, the Gospel of hope.  And so, even though it was so hard to understand his spanish because I think he may have also had some speech problems, I was able to share with him the Gospel and the hope that we can have in Christ.

I shared with him about how Christ overcame the grave, and that through trusting in Him and surrendering our lives to His will, that we can have the promise of eternal life.  I shared with him how Christ already bore the wrath of God on the sins of everybody who will trust in Him, therefore as Christians we can be confident that we will not suffer God’s wrath.  I shared with him that the Bible tells us that our only hope is in Christ and His coming kingdom.  I shared with him that, for those who hope in Christ, that one day the blind will see.  We spoke some about suffering and I shared with him about my own sufferings of losing my four year old daughter to cancer, but I shared most about the hope that we have in Christ that enables us to bear up under the current sufferings we may experience here on this earth.

I encouraged him to read God’s Word and find strength, comfort, and hope in God’s Word and the promises given to those who trust in Him.  I shared about the justice of God and that, contrary to many that would say that God is unjust to send people to eternal hell, that He is perfectly just because, like any righteous judge, He must punish sin.  A judge that would not condemn the guilty criminal is no righteous judge at all, Just the same, for God to be God, to be righteous, just, powerful, and true, He has to punish the condemned.  And I shared that we are all condemned because we have been law breakers according to His Word.  And I shared that God, in His incredible mercy, provided a way for us to be free, and that way was through the cross.  I shared about how God did not just ignore our sin and decide to give us the promise of eternal life anyway, but rather that He did punish our sin and release His righteous anger upon it, but amazingly it was all poured out on Jesus so that we would not have to suffer it.  And to those who believe this, who trust in what God has done and surrender their lives to this God of love, those are the ones who will receive the promise of eternal life.  This is the amazing love that I was able to share with this blind guy named Alejandro.

This is the amazing love that we as Christians should be shouting from the rooftops.  There is no greater hope that we have.  In Christ, all will be made well when His kingdom comes.  This is our great hope.  The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will be raised to life, and we will live with our God who will reign forever!  That, my friends, is what I am most thankful for every day.  What about you?

Here is the song.  Disfrútala.

And I also translated the lyrics so you know what the song is about:

Todo pasa, mas tú no pasarás. All passes, but you will never pass

En gracia Tú siempre reinarás, In grace you will reign forever

La injusticia cargaste en la cruz. You carried injustice on the cross

Exaltado en gloria eres Jesús…Jesus, you are exalted in glory

Dios sobre todo Tú cerca estás, God over all, you are near

Toda rodilla se postrará… Every knee will bow down…

El ciego ve, el sordo oirá, los muertos se levantarán y tú mi Dios por siempre reinarás…The blind see, the deaf will hear, the dead will rise, and you my God will reign forever.

Cody

Well, I just had a great opportunity to share some Gospel truth with a handful of teenagers in the park.  They picked the wrong right guy.  I’m sure they did not know what they were getting themselves into when they approached me and quietly handed me this flyer:

This is the type of gospel message that runs rampant in Latin America

It means, “The time has come for your miracle.”  And of course, with a picture of an empty wheel chair, it signifies the miracle of healing.

I was just getting ready to leave after spending some time with a young American missionary guy who I have been getting together with each week to encourage him in his walk with the Lord, when these youth came up and handed me the flyer.  As soon as I saw it, my heart was burdened to speak the truth to these guys.  At first there were also two women who were with them, but in the course of conversation, they left.

So, with my best spanish possible, I started out by saying this:  ”I believe that the greatest miracle God has ever given is the miracle of salvation that came through the blood of Jesus on the cross.”  That certainly grabbed Read more »

The Language Institute that I attend here in Costa Rica just had a 70 year anniversary celebration.  They asked me to share my testimony (regarding Susana and all that God has brought us through) at their closing chapel service.  And below is the message that I shared.  I hope that God used it to minister to many who were there and I hope it ministers to you also.

A Platform of Suffering for God’s Glory – Cody Whittaker ILE 70th Anniversary 2012

“Lord, I will go wherever you want me to go, and I will do whatever you want me to do.” – My prayer as a new believer in the Lord.

Was I like Peter, who said, “Lord, even if all others forsake you, I will never forsake you. Said by a man who really loved the Lord, but obviously had a lot of zeal without knowledge as shortly after saying that we see him deny Jesus three times.

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For the past several months, I have been doing my own personal studying through the Book of Acts.  It has been amazing and I have learned so much.  It is just so incredible how much more we are able to learn from God’s Word when we just read it much slower and really interrogate the text to get its full meaning and implication.  Our lives as believers are not just about reading the Bible just to say that we do it, or as some may say, have done it, but rather it is about knowing God more and more each and every day.  And it just so happens that God reveals Himself to us more and more as we meet Him in the Scriptures.  The Bible is not just a book…it really is a Living Word.  And I am so thankful that God has been revealing Himself to me more and more as I seek Him in the pages of Scripture.

So, here’s something that I have been pondering over for the past several days found in Acts 1: 3-11

After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God. ⁴ On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.⁵ For John baptized with^[a] water, but in a few days you will be baptized with^[b] the Holy Spirit.”

⁶ Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?”

⁷ He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.⁸But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

⁹ After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.

¹⁰ They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. ¹¹ “Men of Galilee,” they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”

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My princess would have been six years old today (March 22nd).   I miss her like crazy, but I have also been comforted so much knowing that she is in the presence of the living God.  I have shed more tears this past week or so than I have in a while.  But whether I shed tears or not, the fact is that I think about her every single day.  It is still a daily battle to walk by faith (knowing that she is in the best place ever and that God is glorified in all of this) versus walking by what my eyes see in front of me and what my heart desperately hurts over (the fact that she is gone from my sight and I won’t see her again until that blessed day when Christ calls me home).  So, it really is a battle, but I am so so so thankful for the Lord who reminds me and comforts me through His Word and through the presence of the Holy Spirit that this life is but a vapor, here for a minute and then gone, but what matters most is our eternal dwelling place.  So, I am learning, like many saints of old as well as present day, to suffer well, to praise Him in the storm…to trust Him at ALL times.  Psalm 62 …”trust in Him at all times…”

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Today marks the one year date that my little girl took her last steps here on this fallen earth and took her first steps into Heavenly glory!  I can only imagine what she experienced upon her last breath.  Were there angels present in the room?  Did she see the Lord Jesus immediately?  Did she see us wailing as she ascended above us?  I don’t know, but one day I will.  Until then, I can only imagine.

So, for the Anniversary of my little girl, I want to share with you all how the Lord has used her life and the events surrounding cancer for His glory.  I know that God has been glorified in so many ways and I probably have only seen the tip of the iceberg.  I am thankful to see how He has used her life and passing for His glory.  I am so thankful for how He is using this in my life to bring me closer and closer to Jesus which also brings Him great glory.

But I tell you this my friends, in complete sincerity, it is not easy.   I have to fight within my soul every.single.day.  Every day, my natural mind wants to take over and process the events of her life and death on a natural plane.  When I allow that to happen, my heart sinks into depths of misery that are beyond comprehension.  Why?  Because in the natural, having your 4 year old princess be taken from you through the ravaging effects of cancer has got to be the most offensive thing ever.  But, when I walk in God’s grace and look through the lense of the Spirit, only then am I able to see that God is good and that His plan is indeed perfect.  Only then am I able to understand that God’s plans go much further beyond our brief life here on this earth, oh how they go so much further.  When I look through the lense of the Spirit, I am able to trust that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry that one day soon will be unveiled.  And when I see that tapestry revealed, I am going to fall down on my face in complete amazement of His love and glory as I cry out to Him stating, “You.do.all.things.well.

But yes, it is a daily battle.  I’m serious.  It is an every day thing.  But in this every day battle, or because of this every day battle, I am brought to throw myself into His presence and cry out to Him for the grace needed to walk in a way that glorifies His Name.  I am brought near to Him to ask Him to give me the eyes of faith to see His goodness in the midst of such pain.  I am brought near to Him to cling to the promises in His word.  Yes, through this struggle, I have been brought nearer to my Savior than ever before.  And for that, I am thankful.

I know that the Lord has used our story to reach many thousands of people.  I have heard of so many people who told me (through the blog, email, FB, or in person) that they have been brought so much closer to God through seeing how He has worked in our lives.  I have heard from people who said that they had walked away from the Lord completely because of their own tragic loss of a loved one, but that in seeing how we have kept our hearts centered on the Lord and His goodness, they have been brought back to faith in Christ.  I have heard of some people who have come to faith in Christ as a result of hearing our story about Susana.  So, it is truly a blessing to hear that her death, or I should say her passing into her Heavenly home, has brought glory to God by reaching many many people.  I only pray that these have been true works of the Holy Spirit which are still producing fruit today rather than just an emotional moment.  I pray that one day in Heaven, I will see a large group of people, and I will ask the Lord, “Who are these people?”  And the Lord will reply to me, “Those are all the people who are here as a result of me revealing my glory to them through Susana and your family.”  Oh, that would be awesome!

So, in this last year, I have had the privilege to preach and teach in many different churches about suffering for God’s glory.  I pray that God has used His words through me to impact hearts for Him.  I have taught often through the passage in 2 Corinthians 4:7-18.  I have taught this simply because I have lived it.  It is as much a part of who I am as is my skin.  God has taught me so much about suffering.  He has revealed to me what it means to suffer well.  I am so much more intimately acquainted with people like Joseph, Job, Paul, Peter, and other people in the Bible who lived lives of much suffering.  And thankfully, I have become so much more intimately acquainted with the Lord Jesus Christ who was referred to in Isaiah as “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”

I have come to understand what it means to have a treasure inside this jar of clay that is my body which shows the world that this all surpassing power comes from God alone, and not from me.  I have truly been hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.  I hold on to Psalm 62:1-2 with the greatest conviction these days: “My soul finds rest in God alone; My salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”  So, hard pressed from every side? Yes. But utterly crushed? No.  I have been perplexed.  I have had so many questions asking the Lord, “Why?”, but by His grace I am not in despair because my hope is in Him alone, and He is faithful.

I know what it means to carry death in my body, but for the fact that the life of Jesus can be revealed also in me.  I understand what Paul means when he states, “So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”  I feel like this is what I am living.  Because of my pain, God is doing something that brings Him glory and He chooses to use me (my story of pain and suffering) to bring life to others.  So, may He be praised and may I continue to allow Him to use me however He so chooses.

And ending out that passage, I know what it means to daily have to fix my eyes on what is unseen which is eternal, rather than get caught up focusing on what is seen which is only temporary.  And I rest my hope in a truth that is more real to me than ever that “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  Truly, I can say that these words have been like an anchor to my soul.

But that’s not what I even intended to focus on in this post.  Like I said, I have read over that passage so many times in the last year.  I have preached through that passage several times.  And I have wept over that passage many a time.  But I always ended at the end of chapter 4.  I mean, there is so much there that it is a good place to end.  But a few weeks ago, I started reading and meditating on Chapter 5, and I have been so blown away by what the Lord has shown me.

Chapter 5 is about our Heavenly dwelling.  By the way, do you know why I always capitalize the word Heaven?  Because it is a proper noun, meaning it is a place, a real place.  It is not just a nice thought.  It is not just fluffy words of false comfort.  No, it is a place.  It is where the Lord Jesus sits right now at the right hand of the Father.  It is where the angels bow down before Him all day proclaiming “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty.’  It is where the saints are gathered as a great cloud of witnesses looking down into the stadium of our lives and cheering us on to finish our race.  Oh yes, Heaven is more real than anything else.  And it is where my little princess has joined in the throngs of others, young and old, who get to worship the Lord Jesus without any hinderance whatsoever.  Heaven is the real life.  Don’t believe me?  Then what does Paul mean when writing to Timothy in 2 Tim.6:19, “In this way they (those who put their faith in Christ) will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”  Did you catch that?  There is a coming age for those whose hope is in Christ.  And in this coming age will be the life that is truly life.  In other words, something better awaits us.  I can’t wait for such a day.  And I am happy that my little girl is experiencing such a life in HEAVEN.

Ok, so chapter 5 is about our Heavenly dwelling.  Here is the passage that I want to share about in honor of my little girl.

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. ² Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, ³ because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

⁶ Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight. ⁸ We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹ So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. ¹⁰ For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

Some points that stuck out to me:

We know that if our earthly tent is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in Heaven.

We groan.  We long to be clothed with our Heavenly dwelling.

While we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened because we really want to be clothed with our Heavenly dwelling.

So that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  (Remember 2 Tim…the life that is truly life)

It is God who has made us for this very purpose.

We are confident and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

Now, look at all the words in italics.  Does this describe you?  Do you groan?  Do you long for your Heavenly dwelling?  Do you know with complete certainty that if your earthly tent is destroyed, that you have a Heavenly building from God?  Do you realize that you were made for this very purpose?  Do you prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord?

I can say that these things are true in my life only since one year ago.  I wish they had been true always, but they certainly are true to me today.  And I hope that they become more real and true to you also.

So, a few weeks ago when I was having a very difficult week missing Susana like crazy, crying every single day, and really struggling with why she had to go so soon, I began to read these verses and the Lord brought such an amazing comfort to my heart as I had a memory of Susana that I want to share.

This is very sacred, and it is something that I will remember every single day for the rest of my life.  Some of you have already heard it.  I have thought about it every single day, but it wasn’t until I read this passage that I began to get a deeper understanding of what was going on in the midst of this event that I will share.  And now it forever changes the way that I think about this memory.

When Susana was first diagnosed with cancer, she was in really really bad shape.  She was brought from Haiti to Miami Children’s Hospital.  She was so incredibly weak by the time she arrived.  They had to give her blood immediately.  She was on her bed for days without being able to get up.  She couldn’t even get up to use the bathroom.  I had family come and visit and she did not even get up to see them.  She was like this for about 4 days.  Then one night, as Maria and I were sitting by her bed, she rose up in an instant.  She did not rise in a groggy fashion or in a very slow manner.  It was as if somebody just lifted her right up to a sitting position.  So, she sits up in this manner, which startled Maria and I, and then the very first words that she says are, “When am I gonna get to go to Heaven?”  We were absolutely shocked!  We both just sat there stunned for a few seconds as we thought to ourselves that perhaps she had seen an angel or something and that is why she was asking.  Any other day, we would have been overwhelmed with joy that our little girl had just seen an angel or something, but on this particular occasion, we were frightened as all can be with the thought that she had just asked that question because we knew that she was just diagnosed with terminal cancer, and therefore if she saw an angel, perhaps that meant that she was not going to make it.   Anyway, after the shock wore off in a few seconds, Maria asked her, “You silly goose, why do you want to get to Heaven?”  And with a huge smile on her face, she replied, “So I can see Jesus!”  Oh my heart sank into my stomach at that moment.  And Maria answered and said, “Well baby girl, only the Lord knows when we will get to go to Heaven.”  And with that, she just laid back down with this huge smile on her face and went back to sleep…and didn’t get up again for several more days!

Now, I’m not a mystic at all.  But I truly believe with everything in me that Susana had some sort of visitation from God as she was on that bed.  Whether she saw Heaven in a dream, a vision, or whatever.  Whether an angel came to speak with her or whether she saw Jesus Himself, I do not know.  But I am convinced that the Lord somehow visited her and showed her what was to come.  I didn’t want to believe it then, but after she went home to the Lord, I knew that He had prepared her even just one week into her diagnosis.

So, here’s what my little girl has taught me through this ordeal.  I want to be just like her.  She was sick for days and hadn’t said a single word to anybody.  She totally loved her mommy and daddy and sister and brother.  She loved her life.  But when she rose from that bed, she had no thought to anything else whatsoever but to be with Jesus.  She didn’t first say, “Hi mommy.  Hi daddy.  I’m so glad that you’re here.”  In that moment, she didn’t care.  She didn’t rise and ask why she had all these different tubes sticking into her.  She didn’t focus on her pain and suffering.  She didn’t get caught up asking why these things were happening to her.  She didn’t ask about anything, but one thing.   She had one thing on her mind that trumped everything else in her life.  And that one thing was to be with Jesus.  Oh how I want to be like my little girl.

And that is why the Lord ministered to my heart so much a few weeks ago when I read the above passage.  As I read it, I stopped dead in my tracks and started weeping as the Lord revealed to me that Susana got what she so much wanted – to be with Jesus.  I weep now even as I write this.  Not with tears of bitterness or pain, but tears of joy and wonder that she got what she wanted from the very beginning.  She was met somehow by the Lord, and as a result of that, she had this one desire and that was to be clothed with her Heavenly dwelling.  She longed for it.  She groaned.  She knew that she had a building from God.  She preferred to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  And I want to be just like her.  That little girl has taught me so much about the greatness of a child-like faith.

As I read this passage, the Lord answered my question of,  ”Why God?”  He showed me that this was His plan and that He created Susana to want this.  She longed for it…and she got it.

This is how I want to live my life.  Yes, Susana loved us so so much.  She loved her life.  She loved learning about Jesus.  She loved singing worship songs all the time.  She was always filled with such joy.  But when she encountered the Lord somehow in that hospital bed, she rose in that moment with one all surpassing desire…to be with Jesus.  And that’s how I want to live my life.

So, on this one year anniversary of Susana receiving what she truly longed for, I want to thank her for showing me what is most important, more important than absolutely anything in this life no matter how enjoyable it is, and that is to be with Jesus, to long for Him, to know that our building in Heaven is so much better than this earthly tent, to prefer to be at home with Him so much more than remaining here.

So, here’s to you my precious daughter.  The Lord has indeed been glorified.  You ran your race so well and have received your prize of what you wanted from the very beginning even though nobody else knew.  I still have my own race to run.  And my prayer is that I run it with perseverance with my eyes always fixed on Jesus.  But remember what we both learned together.  Remember what we told the Lord in our favorite song, “I can see the light that is coming, for the heart that holds on.  There will be an end to these struggles, but until that day comes, (and then I would say “what are we gonna do” and we would point up to God and say…) still I will praise You.  Still, I will praise You Lord.  And by His grace,  that’s what I will do for all my days until my race is done.

So, here’s to you my baby girl.  You are home.  I am so happy for you.  Thank you for teaching me what is most important.  I can’t wait for the day when I come through those Heavenly gates and hear your sweet voice yelling,  ”Yay! Daddy’s home!”  I love you so much!!!!

Well, for those of you who don’t know, a few more days will mark the one year anniversary of when our little Susana was taken to her eternal home in Heaven.  To say that I miss her just doesn’t do justice.  Words can never describe the feelings that reside in my heart.  It has been a year of pain that I have never known, yet at the same time it has been a year of drawing closer to the Lord like I have also never known.  I still cry on a regular basis and I am thankful that the Lord has enabled me to grieve well.  I am so thankful to the Lord for His grace that has been poured out on my family as we walk out the path that God has called us to.

It has been difficult for each one of us.  But also each one of us have grown closer to the Lord more than ever in this last year.  Just the other night, Isabela said something that almost brought me to tears.  We were talking about watching a movie and we were trying to figure out of this movie was going to involve a child dying (a movie topic that is very hard for us to handle these days considering what we have gone through.)  So, Isabela then says, “I hope its not like the movie that Mommy and I saw when we were in Haiti that had a little sister in the movie die, because I was crying after I saw that.  Now, you have to realize that Isabela is not one who is quick to show her emotions of grief or discuss them.  So, I was actually glad to her that she was crying after watching a movie that involved a little sister dying.  But then I was blown away when she shared the story.  She told us that after she saw the movie, she went in the bathroom to be alone and cry and she was balling her eyes out saying to God, “God, why didn’t you take me instead?  I was older than she was.  You could have taken me.”

When Isabela shared that quick little story that she hadn’t shared with any of us until a few nights ago, I was so incredibly touched in my heart to hear her.  Yes, it was difficult to hear my 7 year old daughter talk about her crying because she misses her sister, but what was so incredibly touching was the love that was expressed in the heart of a 7 year old girl…a love so deep that she would have given her own life if that would have saved Susana.  Oh my heart was so moved by what she said.  Yes, of course both Maria and I have cried out the same things time and time again, especially when she was battling against the cancer, but to hear that same sacrificial heart coming from Isabela was simply beautiful.

And then I also shared with Maria about what else was so moving about what Isabela said.  She asked the Lord why He didn’t take her instead.  She has a confidence through her faith in Christ that she too is Heaven bound.  And that is a beautiful thing to see in children.  The child like faith of which Jesus states we must have in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  From what Isabela is able to know of Christ at a 7 year old level, she fully believes and is trusting in Him for the salvation of her soul.  That is beautiful. So, I have one little princess who is already completely secure in her eternal dwelling and I have another who is demonstrating the faith that Jesus tells us is necessary to enter our eternal dwelling.  How awesome is that?  My prayer is just that she will continue to grow in her understanding of the Lord and desire always to follow Him.  And also that my little son would grow up loving God with everything that is in Him.

But, as I stated above, it has still been a very difficult and painful year for all of us.

The truth is, that if I start to think and share with you what was going on in our lives one year ago today, I would fall apart and just weep uncontrollably.  Its just too hard to re-live such painful details.  I certainly don’t need to dwell on specific incidents and memories to bring up tears of sadness.  The tears flow with ease just due to the fact that we are separated from her.  It doesn’t really matter that she died from cancer and all that went along with that.  The fact is simply that she is gone from this earth, from us, for a time, and that alone brings a pain that words cannot adequately describe.  So, instead of re-living details and conjuring up memories of painful experiences, what I would rather do is just share about what the Lord is doing in my heart as I walk with Him daily in this journey that He has called me to.

First, I have to say that I have truly felt the presence of the Lord with every tear that I have cried.   I know that He is with me.  And for that, I am so grateful because it has been a year of sharing in the words of the psalmist, “my tears have been my food.”  Much of my time alone with the Lord has usually resulted in the tears flowing.  But I realize that there are many different kinds of tears.  Some tears have been simply gut wrenching tears of pain and agony.  Some tears have been tears of just sadness.  Some have been tears of longing.  And yes, some tears have even been tears of joy and wonder as I think about what my little girl is experiencing in Heaven.  But I do truly believe that every tear has been shed in the presence of my Savior.  The same One who comforts me behind closed doors where nobody else sees is the same One who is probably rolling on the floor laughing and playing with my little girl and millions of other children who are living in His presence more so than any of us are.  What a comfort to my heart this truth is.

Also, I can’t even begin to tell you how much Scripture has come alive to me in this last year, especially Scripture that pertains to eternal life and all the promises that God gives that goes along with eternal life.  The hope of Heaven and being with Jesus forever is more real to me than it has ever been.  I read in the Scriptures about the joys of being in the presence of the Lord, and I just pause and reflect on the amazing fact that I have a daughter who is there right at this very moment experiencing all of these things that I am reading about.  And truthfully, that brings joy to my heart, as well as an eagerness to join her and experience these things for myself as well…all in God’s perfect time.  The more I read the Bible, the more excited I get for Heaven.  What a huge lie that many believe who say that “some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.”  That’s a joke!  I find that the more Heavenly minded I am, the more I desire to do good on this earth to bring glory and honor to my Savior who awaits me.  So, I thank the Lord for drawing me closer to Him in His Word and reminding me of the promises that I have as His child, one of them being that I will see my little girl again.

So, I want to share briefly how the Lord spoke to my heart just the other day through a passage of Scripture in the Bible.  Its funny actually how I came to even read this passage of Scripture.  Trust me, I am not a mystic.  I don’t read into too many things these days.  But I also do know that God leads and guides in ways that we are sometimes not even aware of.  So, I had to do this assignment for language class where I had to describe a person in the Old testament and share what this person did and what he or she was like.  Now, there are so many people in the Old Testament that would come to mind for this assignment that I would normally choose, such as Jacob, Joseph, Abraham, Moses, Isaiah, etc.  But for some reason, when I sat down to do my assignment, I thought of Samuel.  I told my wife that I was choosing Samuel and she was surprised and asked me why.  So, I told her that maybe she’s right and that I should choose somebody else.  So, I opened my Bible with the intent of looking for somebody else, but when I opened it, it landed right on the page of when Samuel was born.  So, I told my wife that I decided to stay with Samuel after all.  Again, I’m anything but a mystic, but looking back after seeing what God showed me, I really believed that this was orchestrated by Him.

So, in reading the story of Samuel, I started at the beginning with Samuel’s mother Hannah and her inability to conceive a child. Hannah prayed and cried out to the Lord for a long time.  She was ridiculed by others in her family, but that did not stop her.  She begged the Lord to give her a child.  She told the Lord that if He gave her a child, that she would dedicate the child completely to Him.  And God heard her and answered her prayer.   One day, Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son.  She named him Samuel.  The child only lived with his Mother and Father for the first few years and then she brought him to the temple to have him live there with the priests for the rest of his life as she fulfilled her promise to dedicate him to the Lord.  So, the Bible says that Samuel grew up in the presence of the Lord all his days and the Mother only saw him once a year when her family came to the temple for one of the festivals.

So, here’s Hannah who has one consuming desire and that is to have a child of her own.  And God answers her prayer and gives her a son, and she then takes her son and gives him completely to the Lord and only has the joy of living with him for the first few years of his life.  And yet Hannah is so overwhelmed with joy at having a son that she writes this amazing song of thanks and praise to God, declaring just how wonderful He is.  And yet Hannah does not get to live with her son.  Hannah can only see her son once a year just for a few days.  But that was enough.  Why?  Because no matter what, Hannah had a son.  And she knew that she would be the son’s mother forever.  It did not matter whether or not Samuel lived with her or not.  She was his Mother wherever he was.  But the beautiful thing about it is where he was.  He wasn’t just away living in a different city or nation.  No, the Bible says that Samuel grew up in the temple in the presence of the Lord.

And as I read this story, I stopped dead in my tracks as the Holy Spirit revealed to me this amazing truth that my daughter also is growing up in the presence of the Lord.  God gave me the amazing joy of having her in my life for almost five years, and then He called her to a better place.  She is still my daughter.  I will always be her father, though now she is in the presence of the ultimate Father.  My heart can rejoice in song knowing that my daughter is growing up in the very presence of the Lord and that she is still my daughter no matter where she is.  Sure, I may not get to see her once a year, but perhaps the Lord will allow me to see her in my dreams once a year, I don’t know.  But what matters most is that I have a daughter named Susana Raquel Whittaker and she is alive and well and is growing up in the best place that I could ever want…the presence of the Lord.  And nothing can ever take that away.  She is secure in His presence forever.  And I can rejoice knowing that she will be my daughter always.  It is but for a time that we are separated, but one day, one great and glorious day, the last enemy called death will be destroyed once and for all and we will be reunited forever with our loved ones who have gone on ahead of us.

And because of this, I can share in Hannah’s song, “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high…There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides You; There is no rock like our God.” (1Sam.2:1-2)

P.S. My next post will be on Feb. 11th, the anniversary of Susana’s homecoming Heavenly celebration.

Ok, so during our short time so far in Costa Rica, the Lord has been doing a deeper work in my heart regarding that oh so famous word…surrender.  We like the idea of surrender.  As we talk about the great lives of heroes of the faith long ago and the fully surrendered lives that they lived so that God was most glorified in them.  We then think of our own lives and the idea of living in such a surrendered manner.  We can imagine ourselves being completely sold out for Jesus and just doing everything to advance His Kingdom.  We also like the sound of the word “surrender.”  In terms of the Christian life, it is a sound that is so sweet.  We sing so many songs about surrender.  We love to sing about it.  Churches throughout America and other parts of the world can be found lifting up our choruses of “I surrender all.  I surrender all.  All to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.  Oh yes, we like to sing such songs.

But the million dollar question that we must ask ourselves is…Are we really surrendered?  Let it be known clear as day that when I reference the word “we”, I put my big fat lazy self right smack dab in the middle.  So, I am sooo included in the word “we”, but I choose to use the word “we” because my guess is that I’m not alone in this lack of understanding of what it means to truly surrender.  And in these first few weeks being here in Costa Rica, God is revealing a part of my heart…an ugly part…that still wrestles against a complete surrender to Almighty God.  And here is something that the Lord has been showing me.  With regards to surrender, you’re either all in or you’re completely out.  There is really no such thing as a partial surrender.  And sadly, that’s what my heart and flesh often want to settle for…a partial surrender to the Lord.  But such surrender is no surrender at all.

The man that sings “I surrender all”, but continues to work overtime every week at the expense of his family just so that he can maintain his lifestyle of pleasure and leisure is not surrendered at all.

The woman that says, “Lord, I want to follow you.  I surrender my life to you”, and spends time going to church, attending Bible study, is involved with ministry,  but continues to live with her boyfriend knowing that it is sin, this woman is really not surrendered.

The missionary who says, Lord, I am willing to forsake all things and serve you on the mission field, but I want to go somewhere where it won’t be so difficult to live and where I can still do the things that I like to do, such a man is not walking with a heart that is truly surrendered.

I know that these statements sound rather harsh.  And the truth is that they are harsh.  But the Gospel demands our lives…all of our lives.  The Gospel demands “violence” in regards to our all out pursuit of God.  Jesus states in Matthew 11:12, “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of God has suffered violence and the violent take it by force.”  This cannot be done with a heart that is “partially” surrendered.  Jesus also states, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life,  he cannot be my disciple…So, likewise, whoever of you who does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple.”  (Luke 14:26-27,33)  Wow!  This is powerful.  But these are the words of Jesus Himself.  We must accept them and live by them.  We must believe these words just as strongly as we believe John 3:16.  Again, with Christ, it’s all or nothing.  We can’t pick and choose how we want to follow Him.  Basically, Jesus wants only the heart that is fully surrendered.  And by His grace, we can have such a heart.  Thank the Lord for such grace.

So, here is my confession: I have not been fully surrendered lately with regards to the call of God on my life.  Some may think that if you’re a missionary who has left the comforts of America to serve God in another country, then you are surrendered.  But I’m here to tell you that this is not the case.  We missionaries have wicked deceitful hearts just like anybody else.  We have the same struggles between the flesh and the spirit.  We can have the same tendency to cut deals with God or to do things on our terms rather than His, including ministry!  And God is No respecter of persons with His children.  Missionary or not, the criteria for being His disciple requires a fully surrendered heart.  And my prayer is that the Lord brings me to such a surrender through what He has been showing me.

Here is where I have been wrestling with God, or better yet I should say, here is where I have been struggling between the flesh and the spirit.  Most of you know by now the difficulties that we have gone through in the past two years.  If you are not familiar with our story, just read some previous posts and you will understand.  So, after going through the world of cancer treatment, then  our daughter being called home to Heaven, then being shot at while serving in Haiti, I’m beat.  Seriously, I just feel tired.  We’ve been through so much.  Yet, by God’s grace, He has given us the passion to still make His name known among the nations, and so here we find ourselves in Costa Rica for a year while attending language training school.  So, yes, by God’s grace alone, we still desire to serve the Lord on the mission field.  But before you say to me,  ”What faith and trust in Christ you are demonstrating!”, I need to confess that I have been lacking faith and trust rather than demonstrating it.  Here’s how:

Since we left Haiti so abruptly, we have not yet determined, or allowed God to show us, where we will be serving next.  We only know that we desire to serve in a spanish speaking country.  So, here I am researching many different countries and learning about what the needs are and what the opportunities are and so forth.  But I have found myself shying away from several countries because it would just seem to be too difficult.  So, I have found myself just thinking about countries that I am more familiar with, or countries that would not cause such hardship, or countries that would enable me to do ministries that I am familiar and comfortable with, or countries that don’t have such severe climates, or countries that don’t have such weird looking people, or countries that have a Wal-Mart, or countries that…Do you see where this is going?  It has become centered on me rather than centered on God.  And that is what happens when the heart is not fully surrendered.  And that is what God has shown me has been the condition of my heart in this matter.

And I have wrestled with God in this.  I have told the Lord, “Lord, I’ve been through so much.  I want to still serve You, but I just don’t want it to cause such discomfort since I’ve experienced enough pain and discomfort to last me a lifetime.  Therefore, I’m willing to serve You and tell people about Your great love and faithfulness, but I just want to go to a place that ‘I’ want to go to.”  And, of course, this doesn’t work with God.  And He lets the conviction begin to silently invade my heart and affect my peace until it reaches the breaking point where, in tears, I fall to my knees and say, “Ok Lord, I surrender.  Whatever You desire for me.  No matter what.”  And by His grace, that is what He is doing in my heart.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not intentionally looking to go to the most uncomfortable, weird, difficult place to serve Him.  But I must be at the point where I follow God no matter where He takes me.  Whether He takes me to the remotest most difficult part of the earth or whether He puts me in a nice modern city is not the real issue.  The real issue is Do I trust Him completely to give me the grace that is needed to bring Him glory through whatever situation I find myself in?  That is the central question.

I often get better understanding of things when I associate them with a picture in my mind.  So, I was telling this to my wife a few night ago, which by the way, my wife is often the one whom God chooses to use to bring about a weight of conviction in my heart that leads to change.  So, anyway, I was telling my wife that it feels like for the past 2 years that I have been in this huge 12 round, knockdown, drag out, heavyweight title fight that didn’t end the way that I had hoped.  And I feel pretty beat up.  And I’m willing to get back in the ring, by God’s grace, but I tell Him that I really don’t want to go for another 12 round fight, but that perhaps He can just give me something like an easier 6 round fight that will not cause so much pain and suffering.  And then the conviction comes strong on my heart as I hear the words of my Savior saying, “Don’t you trust me?”  And I’m brought to the place of conviction realizing that me desiring to only have a 6 round fight without much suffering is just another way of me saying, “God, I don’t trust You.”  And God graciously allows my heart to fall under that weight of conviction, and He reminds me of His love and grace, and He brings me to my knees in tears, and allows me to truly say, “Lord, I surrender.”  And in this He is glorified.

So, I must stand on the truth that God is sovereign.  He is in complete control of my life.  He will bring whatever is needed in my life to bring glory to His name.  Perhaps this next season will be one that is more difficult than the last season, I don’t know.  I’m not hoping for that, and I’m certainly not looking for it.  But I have to be brought to the place where, should this be what the Lord has ordained for us,  we will gladly say yes in complete surrender to His will, knowing that He is good and that He is trustworthy  above all else.  And that is what is meant by true surrender.

May we all be brought to such a place in our lives.  He is worth it all!!