Rejoicing in the hope…
August 20, 2010
of the glory of God (Rom. 5:2) – Yes, our ultimate hope is found in the glory of God which has been fully expressed in the person of Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 4:6 states that God has shined His light in our hearts “to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. O, how my heart delights in seeing the face of Jesus, and how I yearn to see Him more.
If our hope is in the glory of God, then nothing could ever shatter that hope. It is a hope that cannot be moved. it cannot be shaken. Because the glory of God is eternal, immovable, and altogether wonderful. Everything that Jesus has done for us (forgiving our sins, reconciling us back into fellowship with the Father, bringing us from darkness into light, loving us so much, preparing a place in heaven for those who trust Him, etc) reveals the amazing goodness of the glory of God. That is why Rom. 8:38 states so beautifully and powerfully, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Friend, if you do not know this Jesus as YOUR Lord and Savior, I encourage you to get on your knees and cry out for Him. It is God who hears the cries of the broken, the ones who realize that they have sinned greatly and have separated themselves from God by doing their own thing. But it is also God who answers the cries of the broken and heals, restores, forgives, delivers, and reveals His glory! We cannot work for this. We can only cry out. It is purely the work of God. He will declare it to be so, not us. Just like creation, He spoke the word and it was so. Think about what it says in 2 Cor. 4:6 of what I mentioned above. Look at the whole verse. “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness’, made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” O, how wonderful that God made His light shine in my heart so that I may see Jesus. What about you?
Ok, the truth is that I sat down to write a post about our daughter Susana and inform all of you how she is doing with her cancer, but since God has opened my eyes to see His wonder and glory, everything that I think about now and desire to write about is wrapped up in His love and truth. I will share about Susana, but let me first finishe my original thought…
So, we see that we can rejoice in the hope of the glory of God as stated in Rom. 5:2, because of Jesus, but we also see that we can rejoice…
in our sufferings - (Rom. 5:3). Yes, with the glory of God being revealed to us, we not only rejoice in the hope that He gives us of His glory, but we also are able to rejoice in suffering. Because the verses following state that “suffering with Christ produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” So, you see, even in suffering, we are brought right back to God through the Holy Spirit revealing the hope that we have because God loves us so much.
So, why do I share this? Because I need to be reminded, as well as many others, that our hope is not in whether our circumstances in life are good or bad, favorable or unfavorable, bringing life or bringing death. If we have a hope in the glory of God that is unshakable, then we have much reason to rejoice. If we have a love from God from which nothing can separate us, whether it be death or life, angels or demons, etc, then we can rejoice always. I mean, lets take just the negative words from that scripture so that we see further the power of His love. So, if we just looked at the negative words, it would state, “For I am convinced that neither death, demons, future (unknown), powers, or depth (of any struggle or pain), nor anything in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” AMAZING LOVE!!!!
Ok, regarding Susana and the reports that we got back from the doctor – everything looks great!!!! And we rejoice in God. But even if they looked bad, my point is for us to understand that, in Christ, we still have great reason to rejoice and stand unshakable.
Susana, who started this ordeal with a big golf ball size tumor on her adrenal gland, and many other tumors all throughout her body, including in her bone marrow and liver, now has only one tumor (the main tumor) that has shrunk down to the size of a walnut and has solidified itself so that it can be easily removed and a small other tumor on her stomach about the size of a dime that also can be easily removed. That’s it! There are no other visible tumors in her body! Nothing in her bone marrow either. The doctors are very pleased with the results of the chemo thus far. The surgeons stated that they are confident that the tumors can be removed quite easily. The surgery is scheduled for Wednesday. It should last about 2 hours, and when she comes out of surgery, our little girl will not have any tumors in her body at all! O, I get emotional just in writing that line. We are very happy, and we certainly rejoice in how we see Him moving in Susana’s life as well as our whole family.
After surgery, she will stay inpatient for a few days just to heal. Then, she will get one last round of chemo before going to Duke for 3 months for the stem cell transplant. After Duke, we will be in Jacksonville, FL for a month for proton radiation therapy. Then, back home for 6 months of antibody treatment. So, even though she will not have any visible tumors as of Wed, we still need to continue all treatment so that, Lord willing, all cancer cells are forever destroyed and that she never relapses. That is our prayer. But so far, things are going as good as they can be going.
But I write what I write, not to set you all up who were reading with expectation, but to state the truth – Our greatest rejoicing is in a God who loves us, who has revealed His glory to us in the face of Christ Jesus, who gives us a greater joy than the world can ever give, who promises us eternity with Him, who walks daily with us, who will never leave us or forsake us, and who can sustain us even in our deepest darkest hours! O yes, this is our God. In Him, we rejoice.
You see, there are many people right now, some we know and some we don’t, that are battling life threatening diseases such as cancer, and they are not getting good reports from the doctors. Instead of the tumors shrinking, they are growing. Instead of the tumors going away, they are coming back. There are those whose lives are slowly but surely ebbing away. Their hope will not be found in their circumstances. Their circumstances are just not good enough to hope in. The truth is, nobody’s circumstances are good enough to hope in because they can be so fleeting. Only a fool would hope in his circumstances only. No, there is no reason for these that have life threatening diseases to hope in their circumstances. But there is still a reason to hope. In Christ, we have a hope that surpasses all understanding. We stand on a rock that cannot be moved. We rest on a promise that can never be broken. We live in a love that will never fail. And this is why we can rejoice no matter what happens in our life.
My prayers today go to those whose health circumstances are not looking good. I only pray that they would hold fast to the hope that will never disappoint, never die, never fade, and never give up. Pity the person without such hope. – Cody
More than mere body posture…
August 17, 2010
The Lord has brought me to my knees in prayer. I find myself every morning and sometimes multiple times throughout the day just getting on my knees and seeking Him in prayer. Its like I can’t get off my knees these days. On my knees, I am strong. on my knees, I am safe. On my knees, I see Him for who He is. O how happy I am to be on my knees.
But being on my knees is more than just a mere body posture during prayer. It is the posture of my entire being, my heart, my soul, my body, my everything…yielded to Him. He has become so great in my eyes and, in light of seeing that greatness, I see how little and debased I really am. And yet I am reminded of His grace through Jesus that bids me still come. O, my heart cannot express enough thanks for such a grace, nor can my knees be bowed enough to Him.
You see, I say that I have walked with the Lord since I was 19 years old. And the night that I surrendered my heart to the Lord, I got on my knees. And I believe I truly surrendered. But the truth is that since that time, I can’t remember that many times that I went to the Lord on my knees. Yes, I would pray, but often standing, sitting, lying down, driving in my car, or wherever. It would be rare for me to get on my knees. Why? O that is such a loaded question, and I can now write pages as to why. But to be direct and straight to the point, the reason is simply that my heart has not been fully yielded to Him. I have still had so much pride that would cause me to still think something of myself. I was blinded to see the greatness and glory and wonder of God because I was still thinking something of myself and allowing the world, the flesh, and the devil to stroke my pathetic ego.
I mean, isn’t that what the world teaches? That self is important, right? Seriously, a person may go to a counselor because they are depressed or having some major difficulty, and the common answer given by the counselor is to love yourself more, treat yourself, don’t be so hard on yourself, etc. And this just feeds into our mixed up view of who we are, keeping us from throwing ourselves upon the mercy of God, realizing that we are NOTHING and that He is EVERYTHING. And yet, in our nothingness, Christ bids us come! How utterly amazing and wonderful is that? Wouldn’t that lift the troubled soul out of depression? Wouldn’t that break our egocentric pride that is the demise of so many of our woes? And wouldn’t that lead us to true wholeness and great contentment? Not a contentment drawn from our lowly selves, but rather a contentment drawn from the overwhelming goodness of God.
John the baptist was right when, upon speaking of seeing Jesus, stated, “I must decrease and He must increase.” O, how my heart has seen that same truth. How I am sick to see how much emphasis I have placed on my self over these last 20 years of walking with Him. I am sickened that I allowed the world, my flesh, and the hater of my soul to continuously stroke my ego so that I thought more highly of myself. This has caused nothing but pain and further separation from the lover of my soul. And I can only see that He truly is the lover of my soul when I first see that I AM NO GOOD. I have nothing good to offer. He reminds me, as well as all of us, that there is none righteous. That my righteousness (whatever comes from my self) is like a used tampon (the literal meaning of “filthy rag” found in Isaiah 64:6) I am doomed without Him. And yet, He chose to love me. He chose to reveal Himself to me. He chose to lift me up and seat me in heavenly places. He chose to make my heart His dwelling place. And all this has been done through Jesus. Can you see how good this news really is? O it is bad news, very bad news for the one that rejects the gift of God. But for the one that is brought low, the one that sees their lowly state in light of His glory and holiness, it is the most wondrous of all news. And seeing this leads us to do one thing – bow down.
And yes, I have seen these things lately. And I cannot do anything but bow down before Him, weeping with thankfulness that He would pave the way for me, a wretched sinner, to come into His holy presence by the blood of Jesus. O, how He loves me!!!! This is what indeed makes me whole!!! This is what lifts my heavy heart!!! This is what gives me the most healthy perspective of who I am. And so this is what fills my heart with joy. I am not filled with joy because of me, but rather I am filled with joy because of Him!!
And I have failed to see this all my life. I have failed to bow down because of my pride, because I was still placing a focus on my self. Hmmmn, how do I explain this? Ok, so the world, the flesh, and the devil all encourage me to focus on my self. And so, in a sense, without bowing down fully to the Lord, self starts to become my god. Instead of bowing my heart low before the Lord who is God and submitting my life FULLY to Him, I start thinking that self is important, therefore if self wants something, self is gonna get it. Along comes the devil with the perfect temptation, one that feeds into that whole notion of self being most important, and I am tempted to sin. And because my heart has not been fully bowed in the presence of the Lord, I give in to that sin because self is what I have been focused on. I have begun to worship at the altar of self rather than the altar of God. And even in my grief after giving into that sin, my grief is a worldly sorrow that leads to death (2 Cor. 7:10) because I am only grieved because my self feels dirty, ashamed, guilty, etc. I am not so much grieved that I have just brought great offense and reproach against a holy God. So, even my “repentance” keeps me focused on self. And thus, the cycle of self worship continues…until…
I have become broken!!! Yes, brokenness is the ONLY way to rid myself from the altar of self. Actually, brokenness is just that – the breaking of the altar of self. And O how I thank the Lord that He has broken me. And with self broken, I see me more clearly. I see that I am nothing. I am not the cats meow. I am not the captain of my soul. I am not the mighty man of God. I.AM.NOTHING. I would be so lost if the story ended there. But O how thankful I am for the second part. HE.IS.EVERYTHING. he is everything good. He is everything strong. He is everything pure. He is everything peace. He is everything holy. He is everything joy. And He bids me come by the blood of Jesus that was poured out for my sin. And so in coming, I see Him and I am filled with Him. And my heart is overwhelmed with such joy. it is truly a joy unspeakable. I probably sound like I am babbling here because I can’t even fully describe what God has done.
All I can say is this: I cannot stop bowing down. And I have never felt more alive. And I take no credit. I give all the glory to Him. Where there was once darkness in my heart, God has said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. O Hallelujah!!!! What an amazing God!!!! – Cody
When even the floor was not low enough.
August 12, 2010
I hope that some of you are not getting tired of my rave of Jesus these days as He is radically changing me from the inside out. I just can’t keep silent about what He is doing! I recall the words of Jesus when He stated that if the children of God are silenced from praising Him, then even the rocks would cry out. This stated showing that Christ will be glorified no matter what! So, I don’t want the rocks to be the one to glorify Him. I want to do that myself! And so I must share this experience that I had with the Lord.
The other day, after doing some journaling, I again was immediately just drawn to my knees to worship Him and pray to Him. I was listening to some worship music in the background. And as I was praying, I just became overwhelmed by His goodness and love, and I just started weeping. And I couldn’t stop. So, I did not want my daughter to hear me and wonder what was happening to Daddy, so I went in the bathroom, closed the door, and turned off the lights. And there, in the dark, I just worshipped my Lord with outstretched hands. And suddenly, I felt such a strong presence of His holiness and glory, that I fell to my knees and I just needed to bow before Him. But my knees were not low enough, and soon enough I found myself just prostrated face down on the floor completely before Him. And I felt as if I must bow lower still. And so, with my face pressed into the floor, and my hands stretched out, with weeping and sobbing, I was overcome by His holiness and glory. I felt like I was brought into the Holy of Holies and even the floor was not low enough for my heart to be bowed in submission to Him. And there I surrendered. All that I could simply say through my tears was “I am yours.” It was the most sacred moment that I have ever had. And it was the most heart felt three words that I have ever spoken to God. O, how my heart has been captured by Him.
You see, I have followed Jesus since the age of 19, which is almost 20 years ago. He brought me to the place early on where I said, “Lord, I will go wherever you want me to go and I will do whatever you want me to do.” And my heart has been convinced of His truth since the first day that I gave my life to Him. But all during that period of nearly 20 years, I have been unable to give Him all my affections, those from the deepest places in my heart. I have wanted to, but for whatever reason, I have not been able to. Perhaps it has been because some of my affections have been divided between Christ and the world. And that is true. I have been divided in many ways. Christ has been attractive to me, but things in the world have also remained attractive. And so there have been years and years of struggle between wanting to live fully for Jesus without any reservation and still being drawn by some things of the world. I would read over the scriptures over and over that talk about a man not being able to serve 2 masters or that friendship with the world is hatred towards God. And perhaps I justified myself in saying that I really didn’t want to have friendship with the world, that it really was something that bothered me, but nonetheless there was still something that kept me drawn by it. And so this struggle has been with me for all my life.
But now, by His grace alone, He is drawing me after Him. He has broken me completely from my sin. I have grieved and wept like I never have before as I have seen the reality of my wicked and depraved heart. And I also have wept over the realization of His mercy that has covered that wicked heart. And from that first cry to the Lord just over a month ago, in utter desperation to see the reality of my sin as well as His glory that would lead me to repentance, He has been doing a work in my heart like never before. He has indeed broken me. He has indeed revealed His mercy and grace. And now, He has brought me into His presence to see the radiance of His glory and holiness and love and majesty, and it was in this revelation that I could do nothing but bow low to the ground and surrender…truly surrender. And that is what He has caused me to do…wholly surrender my life to Him. I don’t want anything more of this world! All that it has done has kept me from knowing and worshipping my God. But now, I see the glory of the Lord. And it just leads me to bow in complete surrender. Know this O world…I am His!
Drawn by Him…
August 9, 2010
Well, the Lord is continuing to work in my heart in a manner in which I cannot even describe. I find myself just weeping at some small point every day because I am overcome with His presence and thoughts of His goodness.
I am being drawn to my knees in prayer every single morning. And when I say “drawn to my knees”, I mean it. Its like I’ll get up, get some breakfast, take a shower, then I’ll walk into my bedroom to get something, and immediately I’ll just find myself dropping to my knees to seek Him and cry out to Him and thank Him and to yield myself to Him. And sometimes I’ll just be drawn in the middle of the day or the evening to do the same, just talk to Him and seek Him and commune with Him.
I am being drawn to the bible in a newer and deeper way. Truth be told, reading the bible has always been a challenge and a struggle, something that I just had to almost force myself to do just knowing that God calls us to do so and that we have to do it in order to grow. Maybe I’m exaggerating a little. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, I would enjoy God’s Word every time I would read the bible, but then I would still find that there was always this major battle for me to pick it up the following day. And sometimes I would persevere and win that battle…and yet sometimes I would lose. I’m not being legalistic here, I mean the Bible commands us to meditate on His word every day. It is not a suggestion. It is not just for some that really like to. it is a command to every one of God’s children. And so I tried my best to follow that command. But these days, I am being drawn to read the bible all the time simply because, yes I want to obey His command, but more so because I want to know more about this great and awesome God who has redeemed my soul and has set me free. My cry is the same as that of the apostle Paul, “that I may know Christ and the power of His resurrection and to share in the fellowship of His sufferings. And so, I find myself just picking up my bible here and there throughout the day just to seek to know Him more. I even installed the Bible on my iphone just so I can have it with me wherever I go and get the opportunity to read it throughout the day.
He is drawing me into a new and deeper “quiet time” or “personal devotion time” like never before. Again, my “quiet time” (though I never called it “quiet time” because I wasn’t always quiet) was a struggle to maintain no fail daily time alone with Him. And again, having that time alone was always enjoyable, but it would be a struggle to get up and do it again the very next day. And so I have spent years as well trying to develop a discipline where that would just be part of my daily routine. But it would often be a battle. And again, sometimes I would win…yet other times I would lose. But these days, my time with God is not just being reduced to a “Ok, read my 5 minute devotion, read a scripture, and said a quick prayer, so now I’m set for the day.” Again, maybe exaggerating a little, but I hope you get the point. But these days, my quiet time or time with God or whatever you want to call it is not just a 10 minute thing in the morning, but rather throughout my day. I want to spend time alone with Him in the morning to start out my day, but then I want to stop what I am doing in the afternoon just to pause and pray and seek Him and tell Him that I am so thankful. And then I want to talk to my wife about what He is doing in my life. And then I want to journal my thoughts and prayers and ask Him to reveal more of Himself to me. So, its like my time with Him is constant, and I so much enjoy His presence that I want to include Him in everything that I am doing!
I am being drawn to worship Him all throughout my day. I just want to listen to worship songs that glorify His name. I just purchased an itunes card so that I can download more worship songs on my iphone since I don’t nearly have enough. Unfortunately, I do have enough secular songs, many of which I have removed because I realize that I cannot bring honor and glory to God by listening to them. Now, I’m not in the boat of “Christians should only listen to Christian music”, even though, at this time, that is all I want to do. But I am in the boat of “Do all things for the glory of the Lord.” And so, if I am listening and gaining enjoyment from a song that actually takes away from the truth of His glory, then how is that bringing Him glory? And you know, some of the songs that I have removed are considered “Christian”, but the truth is that the music label does not matter, its what the song is about that matters. So, if I am listening to a “Christian” song that simply expresses all kinds of heartache and defeat and struggle, but never points to the source of truth and freedom, then how does that bring glory to God? It actually takes away from His glory. And I just don’t want to do that anymore. So, these days, I just want to worship Him in complete purity of mind and heart.
Like I said in my previous post, I feel like I have been born again, again. I feel like I have been given a new heart that is undivided. As I read in Ezekiel that after the Lord said that He was going to execute judgment on the people of Israel for all of their detestable acts and sin that they committed, that He would bring them back from the land of captivity and He would give them a new heart, one that is undivided. He would take away their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. And as a result, the people would return to their land and tear down all their false altars and remove all their vile images from their temple, and they would wholly seek the Lord. To me, as well as many who have used this verse in sharing the gospel, this describes the salvation experience, when Jesus takes away our old heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh. And though I had an experience when I was 19 years old when I surrendered my heart to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me of my sins as I acknowledged Him and agreed with the message of the cross, I can’t say that I experienced what I am now experiencing. I mean, I remember acknowledging my sin and asking for forgiveness, but I don’t remember falling to the floor overcome with such grief and just crying uncontrollably because I realize the gravity of my sin in the light of a holy God. And I remember being so happy that my sins were forgiven, but I don’t remember just in any given moment being brought to tears simply at the realization of how rich his mercy is to have covered my wretchedness with His love.
Ok, so did I just get saved? No, I truly believe that when I prayed at age 19 and asked Jesus to become the Lord and Savior of my life, that He truly did at that moment. But, all I can say is that He has done something in me in this last month that has never been done before. I can’t fully describe it, but He has done it by His grace. He has given me a new heart, one that is undivided, one that wholly wants to seeks the Lord. And I am overwhelmed by His love as I am being drawn by Him. – Cody
Sweetly Broken…
July 28, 2010
“At the cross you beckon me. You draw me closely to my knees, and I am lost for words, so lost in love, and I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.” – “Sweetly Broken” – Jeremy Riddle
And this is the state of my heart today. I am broken. But not a pitiful broken, but rather a brokenness that brings me joyfully to the foot of the cross where I can see love – perhaps for the first time in my life. Have you ever had that experience as a Christian, where you feel like you have been born again, again? Well, that is what the Lord is doing in my heart and words cannot even begin to describe it. This does not have anything to do with Susana and what we are going through as a result. This has to do with God doing some intense work in my heart to make me more like Him.
You see, there are parts of my own heart that are more cancerous than the tumors that currently invade Susana’s body. There has been sin there for the longest time that has never been truly dealt with, perhaps because it wasn’t God’s time, but I think more because I was not ready to deal with it myself. I had not been brought to the place of brokenness that is needed to see what I now see. But recently, the Lord has indeed brought me to that place. And He has broken me and continues to break me. It is like a blindfold has been lifted off my eyes and I can see things (some really ugly things) in my heart that I have never before seen.
As issues in my life have caused some of these ugly sinful patterns to come to the surface more and more, I was brought to a place where I just began crying out to the Lord and asking Him to break me open, asking Him to open up my eyes so that I can see the sin and ugliness that is keeping my heart from being wholly surrendered to Him, asking Him to reveal and expose those things that are causing ill effect in my marriage and other aspects of my life, primarily my relationship with Him. And it all started with a heart’s cry of desperation, realizing that only the Lord can effect change in my heart for His glory. And so, I cried out, “Lord, break me. Let me see my sin that has robbed You of Your glory, and then let me see Your glory so that I will truly repent and turn my heart to You in ALL ways. I am desperate!”
And The Lord, who hears the cry of His children, heard the heart’s cry of this poor child, and answered Him. Through His word and through my prayers, and by His grace, He broke my hardened heart wide open. And I wept, not like a baby, for a baby cries without really knowing why he or she is crying. No, I wept like a grown man, a man who hungers after God yet for the first time has seen such sin in his heart that has kept him from the very God he hungers after. Oh, I cannot express the grief that my heart experienced, and continues to experience. I have had times of falling to the floor, overcome with grief (yet at the same time overcome with the knowledge of His love and mercy) and just heaving sobs and wails and groans like I have never known before. I weep now even as I write this. He has answered my prayer! He has broken me, and continues to break me.
This, although painful, has been the sweetest thing to happen to me. The death is always painful. The letting go of something is always painful. The reality of sin and depravity is always painful. But the reality of Christ’s love that reaches such a depraved heart and has both power to forgive sin and love to restore a heart is indescribable! The bible is altogether true as it states, “It is the kindness of the Lord that leads to repentance.” Oh how I thank the Lord that He has granted me the gift of repentance. He has caused me to truly turn away from my sin. I cannot explain it all, but He has done it.
So, I have had many many days as of late where I just weep as I realize how my sin and wretched heart has kept me from receiving so much more of Him. And I also weep with the greatest thankfulness that He both loves me and is setting me free. I cannot contain my excitement. I just have to share it. It is like those blind people that Jesus healed that went in the temple walking, and leaping, and praising God. For I have been one of those blind men that has received the miracle of sight. What can I do, but walk and leap and praise the One, the ONLY One, who is able to open the eyes of the blind and bring a dead heart back to life.
Some may think that I am sharing too much by talking about God exposing sin in my life and breaking me of years of spiritual blindness…I don’t care. Just like David said when he danced naked after the ark was returned to Jerusalem, “I will be even more undignified than this!” So, I will not go dancing down the street naked, but I will show the nakedness of my soul that has been touched by my Savior, for I have nothing to hide. He has redeemed me and is setting me free. I cannot stay silent.
I have been consumed these days by thoughts of Him. I cannot put the bible down. I cannot stop writing in my journal. I cannot stop just wanting to give Him glory and honor in everything that I do. I have lived 38 years of my life so far. I only pray that He gives me at least 39 more years so that I can live more than half of my life with this new found love and joy that I have found in my Savior. I have lived 8 years of marriage where I have been unable to give my whole heart to a woman that I really love. I only pray that these 8 years are a tiny fraction of the years of marriage left where I can give my wife my entire heart and see the Lord glorified in our midst every single day.
As I was thinking about these things the other day, I said, “Lord, You have indeed answered my prayer asking You to break me open and reveal my sin so that I would see it clearly. But now I want You to answer my prayer of showing me Your glory.” And as soon as I said this, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “I have shown You my glory by exposing the depravity of your heart and then covering it with my love.” Oh, how my heart shouted for joy when I saw this to be true. What can be more glorious than a heart that has been revealed to be full of such sin and yet the love of Christ that covers the sin of such a wicked heart? Yes, mine eyes have seen the glory of the Lord.
In Haiti
July 17, 2010
Back in Haiti again. Why does Port au Prince look like nothing has changed since the earthquake, yet Jacmel looks like a lot has changed? I am very impressed with how well Jacmel is being cleaned up after the quake.
So, we just had a team leave this morning that was here all last week. I only got to spend one day with them, but it was good to get to know them, and Fenel told me that they were awesome. We were supposed to take the team to Basin Bleau for a fun day, but as we were heading out, it began to downpour, so we had to quickly abort mission. I am so excited that this team, along with our master carpenter Fenel, built bunk beds for our mission house! Sweet!!! No more sleeping on air mattresses, although the truth is that the air mattresses are super comfortable. The team also did a lot of outreach in some of the communities where we are ministering. They showed the Jesus Film a few times, Fenel preached a salvation message, and 4 people committed their lives to the Lord. God is moving in our midst. They also spent the week ministering to the orphaned children that we are working with.
The team left this morning and another team (team of 4 from Calvary Chapel in Uncasville, CT) arrived a few hours later, therefore I spent the whole day in Port au Prince, leaving at 4AM to drop off the team that was leaving and then getting back to Jacmel this evening after picking up the arriving team. Needless to say, I am beat. The team is great. They are very excited for the upcoming week as this is the first mission trip that any of them have been on. 2 guys will be building a house this week for a family that is helping the orphaned kids, and the 2 women will just do some serious loving on many children throughout the week. I am very excited to see what the Lord is going to do.
I miss my wife and kids, but it was good to see them today via video chat…
3rd Round of chemo for Susana
July 8, 2010
We are back in the hospital getting Susana’s 3rd round of chemo. She was admitted sooner than expected because her counts were so good. This round includes some medicines that are supposed to make her very sick, but so far she has not had any problems whatsoever. Please pray that the Lord protects her body in a divine way and that she does not suffer any great pain.
And of course continue to pray for total healing. The truth is that so far, her treatment couldn’t be going any better. She is doing wonderful and the doctors continue to give good reports. But, we still know that this is just the beginning of a long road that often comes with many trials and setbacks along the way. We are prepared for those setbacks, but so far things have been going according to schedule.
We take things one day at a time and trust Him for the grace that He provides.
I had a great meeting today with a pastor and a business owner about their desire to help sponsor the orphaned children in Haiti that we are working with. The Lord is definitely giving us favor regarding our ministry in Haiti. And this just shows us that it has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with Him.
I get ready to head to Haiti one week from today. We have the first of our three consecutive teams for July arriving this Saturday. It will be a very busy, yet productive and awesome month for our ministry. My main objective in going down next week is, in addition to helping with the teams, to meet with every orphaned child that we are working with and observe his current living situation to determine if we need to work on getting placement. I am very excited to see what the Lord is doing. It is such a joy to serve, even in the midst of pain.
On a personal note, please keep me in prayer as the Lord is really doing some major reconstructive surgery on my own heart. It has been a time of painful realizations of some ugly things that He wants to change, but at the same time some deep joy as He is given access to parts of my heart that have been closed or hardened for some time. It makes me realize how much more of Him I need in my life each and every minute. And it makes me so thankful for His grace which reaches even the dregs of my heart.
I always remember a quote I heard from way back when I first came to know the Lord. “God loves you exactly as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way.”
- Thankful that He is not through with me….
Answered prayers in so many ways!!!!
June 30, 2010
Regarding Susana – Every prayer we prayed (and every one you have prayed) has been answered! The line put in her chest was successful without any problems. Thank you Jesus! The stem cells were all harvested in one day! Thank you Jesus! She is doing great and we will be going home tomorrow morning after a quick check up and quick platelets. Thank you Jesus! Lord willing, she will begin her next round of chemo sooner than scheduled since her counts are so good.
Regarding our mission work in Haiti – We prayed that we could start getting food on a regular basis so that we can both feed the orphaned children that we are trying to sponsor as well as start up several feeding programs in the rural communities where we are ministering. Well, we have already had one mission agree to give us food enough to provide for the orphaned children daily as well as enough food for one of the schools that we are ministering to. And now, I have just been put in touch with Kids Against Hunger in Orlando and they are wanting to send us a 20 foot container every 3 months!!! Thank you Jesus! With that much food, we will be able to further develop several feeding programs, especially way deep in the mountains where there is so much poverty. Please pray that we are able to work out some of the shipping logistics so that we can start receiving this food as soon as possible.
One of the things we now need is for churches or individuals to help financially sponsor some of these feeding programs. We will certainly have the food, but now we will need additional money for each program so that they (or we) can purchase oil, charcoal, and bouillon so that they can cook the food for the children every day. And I know that the Lord will provide…
I will be going back to Haiti from July 15th – 22nd. We have 3 teams coming in July (Islego Missions Team from July 10th-17th, Calvary Chapel Uncasville Connecticut from July 17th – 24th, and Calvary Chapel Castlerock Colorado from July 24th – 31st) and I am very happy that I will be there to be part of some of those teams. The Lord is really growing this ministry. We just stand amazed!
Thank you all for praying for our family and for the ministry that God has entrusted to us. He is faithful
Just a personal note to YOU!
June 26, 2010
We wanted to take the time to write you a note and say, “thank you”. June has been an incredibly busy month in our home. Taking care of Susana and Isabela at the same that we are dealing with our new life routines has been quite a challenge. We could not have done without you. So we wanted to take some time to let you know that we truly appreciate you.
- Thank you for all the gifts you sent from the Target.com registry list and even outside the list.
- Thank you for putting together a birthday party for our sweet Isabela. And thank you for all of her wonderful birthday gifts.
- Thank you for all the furniture and housewares that you provided.
- Thank you for your financial contributions to help us get back on our feet and take care of Susana’s expenses.
- Thank you for all the cards and the notes and the simple little things that brought much joy to our hearts.
- Thank you for putting an auction together on Susana’s behalf and for participating in it.
- Thank you for creating and joining a prayer group on Susana’s behalf through Facebook.
- Thank you for coming to visit.
- Thank you for providing a meal.
- Thank you for watching Susana in the hospital while I ran home to let the dog out.
- Thank you for watching the dog while I traveled four hours to Duke for a doctor’s appointment.
- Thank you for calling and checking on us.
- Thank you for driving out of your way (or flying) to come and see us.
- Thank you for the clothes for the girls.
- Thank you for the movies.
- Thank you for the prayer bracelets.
- Thank you for the food and snacks in our pantry.
- Thank you for the gift cards.
- Thank you for the toys for the girls.
- Thank you for flying our dog, Casey, back to the States.
- Thank you for bringing some of our belongings back to us.
- Thank you for Susana’s iPod. I’ve never seen the girls so quiet.
- Thank you for providing phones for us.
- Thank you for the girls homeschooling curriculum.
- Thank you for understanding when we felt stressed and weren’t on our best behavior.
- Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on.
- Thank you for listening to us.
- Thank you for sharing our pain and our joys so graciously.
- Thank you for loving us.
- Thank you for volunteering to help.
- Thank you for giving Cody and I a date night.
- Thank you for your continue support towards our ministry in Haiti. We love knowing that our love for the children of Haiti is mutual and that it doesn’t stop with our circumstances.
- Thank you for coming to Haiti with us.
- Thank you for being a true friend.
And above all, THANK YOU for praying for our family. We truly appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for our family. In many ways the burden is lighter when we know we have you. We could not do it without you. And we thank the Lord for you.
And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. –Acts 2:44-47
Bondye Kapab Fe Tout Bagay!!
June 23, 2010
“God can do all things!” This is my favorite saying when I am talking with haitian people about what their needs are. I guess it is a way to take me off the hook so that they are not looking to me to meet their needs. I tell them, in a sense, not to look to me, but to look to God because God is the One who is able to meet their needs.
Then, when God does use us to meet that need, they are more prone to give thanks to God rather than to us because they know that it was God who ultimately came through.
Last week, while in Haiti, I was meeting with Pastor Jean Franko and talking about the orphaned children that we are now able to provide food for on a daily basis. He was very happy that the orphaned kids are getting food, but he mentioned that it is creating somewhat of a problem for the other children who were not receiving food. he said that there were about 25 other children that basically had to watch these orphan children eat while they themselves did not eat.
So, you know what I told Jean Frank right? ”Bondye kapab fe tout bagay!” He agreed and I said that we will pray and ask the Lord to provide more food so that all of the kids in the church can receive food each day.
Also, a few months ago, Fenel and I were meeting with Josue, the Director of the school in Marigot that we are partnering with. He also was telling us of the need for many things, including food, for his school. Without promising anything, I simply reminded him, “Bondye kapab fe tout bagay.” From time to time since then, we have been able to provide some food to his program, but we never had enough to give food for all the kids on a daily consistent basis.
Well…God is able to do all things. Tonight, I give Him praise as I just learned that our application to receive food from another mission organization was approved and we will start receiving food that will provide for 400 kids daily!!!!
So, all of the children in Jean Franko’s church will now be fed daily. And all of the kids at the school in Marigot will now be fed daily. There will be some happy faces!! Praise the Lord for how He provides.
I will never get tired of saying, “Bondye kapab fe tout bagay!!!!”