This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark (Tenth Avenue North – “Healing Begins”)
This is a good place for us to be. We are currently at an intensive 3 week counseling retreat. We came here initially to address the fear, anger, and trauma that we felt as a result of the robbery that happened to us just less than a month ago. But, lo and behold, it seems as if the Lord has some other reasons for us to be here. And though it is painful and raw, it is very good. The Lord is really opening up some deep seated issues in our marriage that have been there from the very beginning. The truth is that we are broken, and we need healing. Both Maria and I have always known that in a theological sort of way, but we have always just kept the reality of that brokenness sub-surface and have never really addressed a lot of things head on as a couple. Instead, we played a lot of games…with ourselves individually, with ourselves in relationship to God, and with ourselves towards one another. On the surface level, we have been able to manage, but beneath the surface there have been hurts and pains and so now we just want to deal with those things.
I wouldn’t say that we have been in denial about the issues in our marriage, but I will say that we have kept them at a safe theological distance instead of really diving in and facing them head on. We know what our own issues are and we certainly could write a book on what each other’s issues are, but we just haven’t dealt with a lot of them over the years. Instead, we have just let ourselves continue to be hurt by them and continue to live in a marriage that was not all that it should be or could be.
So, here we are now at this retreat, and in addition to getting some counseling regarding the trauma from the robbery and such, we find ourselves basically getting marriage counseling, which is a first for us, and seemingly long overdue. Now, I know well enough to not go digging up stuff just because we’re at an intensive counseling retreat where the purpose is to get intensive counseling. So, I know to keep a balance of what really needs to be addressed and what has already been addressed in our lives growing up that has been dealt with. For instance, I don’t anticipate me balling my eyes out as I talk about why my step-father used to abuse me as a child because I have already walked down that healing road many years ago. But these things about our marriage that are coming up in our sessions don’t require a whole lot of digging. They’re there. That’s just the facts. I don’t deny that stuff from the past, as well as just our broken sinful selves, still influence some of our current present day struggles, therefore I am willing to look at those things head on and ask God to reveal to me if there is any connection.
Bottom line: We want to be whole. Doesn’t everybody? And we are here to allow God to bring up whatever broken issues lie beneath the surface (whether it be trauma from a recent robbery or on-going pain from poor communication in our marriage) so that He can be more glorified in our lives.
And so…here in Michigan where we are for the next few weeks…This is where the healing begins.