Speaking to my soul

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone.  My hope comes from Him”.  (Psalm 62:5)  “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name.  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”  (Psalm 103: 1-2)

Psalm 62 is one of my favorite psalms.  The first verse of the psalm is almost exactly the same as verse 5 above.  It states, “My soul finds rest in God alone.  My salvation comes from Him.”  The psalm begins by stating that his soul IS at rest in God alone, but then in verse 5, the psalmist is having to speak to his very soul to FIND rest in God alone.  The same thing happens in Psalm 103 where David is speaking to his own soul telling it to bless the Lord and FORGET NOT all his benefits.  Why?

Because the truth is that sometimes the only place where God’s word, truth, and promises can truly reach us in in the very depths of our soul.  With our bodies, we may forget to bless the Lord or we may not feel like blessing the Lord.  With our minds, we may not be at rest in God alone because we are in such turmoil over other things.  With our hearts, we may be riding on a roller coaster of several different emotions so that we are unable to find rest in God alone, nor are we able to bless the Lord.  And so, we have to dig to the deepest places of our existence, to our very soul.  It is there where we know God is able to reach us.  It is in our soul where we know is the truest and most real place of our very existence.

And still, there are times where we must command our very souls to find rest.  Because every other fiber of our being does not seem to be at rest in God.  It is to our very soul which we must command it to bless the Lord because every other fiber of our being does not feel like blessing the Lord.  It is there where we must command our soul to not forget all the benefits and promises of God because every other part of our being has seemed to forget these great and precious promises.

The soul is so deep that words cannot even define it adequately.  It is something that transcends time and space.  It is the very eternal nature of us.  Perhaps it is the breath of God that was breathed into us upon our creation.

Like the psalmist, I too have had to do a lot of speaking to my soul.  That is the only way to describe the communion that I have had with God these days.  My heart hurts so incredibly bad.  I am completely broken.  My physical body even feels pain as I wrestle with the sadness of not having my little girl with me.  I can only have communion of soul between myself and God, no other.  Words cannot adequately describe the pain and loss that I feel.  In my tears, all that I am able to say to the Lord is, “I miss Susana so much.”  But God knows that I am saying so much more.

I know the promises of God.  I know that Susana is experiencing the incredible joys of Heaven.  I know that she is in the presence of Jesus.  I don’t doubt it for a second.  Yet at the same time, I have to speak to my soul and tell it to believe all these things.  I too have to say to my soul, “Bless the Lord, and do not forget all His benefits.”  I too have to command my soul, “Find rest in God alone.”  I am just like the psalmist in Psalm 62 where he starts out by saying that his soul DOES find rest in God alone, but then in verse 5 he is speaking to his soul and telling it that it NEEDS to find rest in God alone.  Is that paradoxical?  To one that does not have a soul, perhaps.  But to me, it makes all the sense in the world.

I also love the verse in Psalm 63:5 that states, “My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods.”  So, there is sometimes an agony of soul that words cannot adequately describe, and at other times there is a joy of the soul that words also cannot fully convey.

I am reminded of one of my favorite hymns these days, “It is well.”  I prefer the version by Kutless.  Anyway, most of us know the song.  The song was written upon a father learning of the drowning deaths of his 2 daughters at sea.  He was brought to the very place where the daughters had drowned and penned these words, “When peace like a river attendeth my soul.  When sorrows like sea billows roll.  Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, ‘it is well, it is well with my soul.”  Notice that the writer did not say it was well with his mind.  He did not say it was well with his body.  No, those things were probably a total mess for quite a while.  But he reflected on how the Lord of all creation was able to commune to the depths of his soul where he was taught that, because of Jesus, IT IS WELL.

Now, that is amazing!!  And that is where I find myself these days.  My heart is a tangled mess of emotions.  My physical body aches because of the pain that I have inside.  My mind often gets stuck on thoughts of Susana all throughout the day.  My tears roll like giant sea billows.  My lot has not looked good.  And all I can do is allow the Lord of all creation, the One who holds both Susana and I in the palm of His hand, to teach me to say that, because of Jesus, it is well with my soul.  Yes, He teaches me these things and I must speak to my soul and command it to not forget such things. – Cody

3 thoughts on “Speaking to my soul

  1. Dear Cody,

    I pray daily for the hurt and the sorrow that you all feel. I ask that God fill those raw and hollow places with His love and peace. Susana will forever be in your hearts and minds and though you hurt like crazy right now, I know you will see her and be with her again someday. I’m also praying for a safe trip to Haiti and that you, Maria and Isabela will find hope and a new joy when your son is born. God be with you, Cody.

  2. Cody you speak and write so beutifull, your words bring peace to my soul. Thanks.

  3. I woke up a little while ago and asked God if He would speak to my soul and I found this article. I see it was written a few years ago but it has blessed me today- RIGHT NOW! It is well, with my soul. Amazing how God works. Thank you for sharing your story.

Comments are closed.