Drawn by Him…

Well, the Lord is continuing to work in my heart in a manner in which I cannot even describe.  I find myself just weeping at some small point every day because I am overcome with His presence and thoughts of His goodness.

I am being drawn to my knees in prayer every single morning.  And when I say “drawn to my knees”, I mean it.  Its like I’ll get up, get some breakfast, take a shower, then I’ll walk into my bedroom to get something, and immediately I’ll just find myself dropping to my knees to seek Him and cry out to Him and thank Him and to yield myself to Him.  And sometimes I’ll just be drawn in the middle of the day or the evening to do the same, just talk to Him and seek Him and commune with Him.

I am being drawn to the bible in a newer and deeper way.  Truth be told, reading the bible has always been a challenge and a struggle, something that I just had to almost force myself to do just knowing that God calls us to do so and that we have to do it in order to grow.  Maybe I’m exaggerating a little.  Don’t get me wrong, I mean, I would enjoy God’s Word every time I would read the bible, but then I would still find that there was always this major battle for me to pick it up the following day. And sometimes I would persevere and win that battle…and yet sometimes I would lose.  I’m not being legalistic here, I mean the Bible commands us to meditate on His word every day.  It is not a suggestion.  It is not just for some that really like to.  it is a command to every one of God’s children.  And so I tried my best to follow that command.  But these days, I am being drawn to read the bible all the time simply because, yes I want to obey His command, but more so because I want to know more about this great and awesome God who has redeemed my soul and has set me free.  My cry is the same as that of the apostle Paul, “that I may know Christ and the power of His resurrection and to share in the fellowship of His sufferings.  And so, I find myself just picking up my bible here and there throughout the day just to seek to know Him more.  I even installed the Bible on my iphone just so I can have it with me wherever I go and get the opportunity to read it throughout the day.

He is drawing me into a new and deeper “quiet time” or “personal devotion time” like never before.  Again, my “quiet time” (though I never called it “quiet time” because I wasn’t always quiet) was a struggle to maintain no fail daily time alone with Him.  And again, having that time alone was always enjoyable, but it would be a struggle to get up and do it again the very next day.  And so I have spent years as well trying to develop a discipline where that would just be part of my daily routine.  But it would often be a battle.  And again, sometimes I would win…yet other times I would lose.  But these days, my time with God is not just being reduced to a “Ok, read my 5 minute devotion, read a scripture, and said a quick prayer, so now I’m set for the day.”  Again, maybe exaggerating a little, but I hope you get the point.  But these days, my quiet time or time with God or whatever you want to call it is not just a 10 minute thing in the morning, but rather throughout my day.  I want to spend time alone with Him in the morning to start out my day, but then I want to stop what I am doing in the afternoon just to pause and pray and seek Him and tell Him that I am so thankful.  And then I want to talk to my wife about what He is doing in my life.  And then I want to journal my thoughts and prayers and ask Him to reveal more of Himself to me.  So, its like my time with Him is constant, and I so much enjoy His presence that I want to include Him in everything that I am doing!

I am being drawn to worship Him all throughout my day.  I just want to listen to worship songs that glorify His name.  I just purchased an itunes card so that I can download more worship songs on my iphone since I don’t nearly have enough.  Unfortunately, I do have enough secular songs, many of which I have removed because I realize that I cannot bring honor and glory to God by listening to them.  Now, I’m not in the boat of “Christians should only listen to Christian music”, even though, at this time, that is all I want to do.  But I am in the boat of “Do all things for the glory of the Lord.”  And so, if I am listening and gaining enjoyment from a song that actually takes away from the truth of His glory, then how is that bringing Him glory?  And you know, some of the songs that I have removed are considered “Christian”, but the truth is that the music label does not matter, its what the song is about that matters.  So, if I am listening to a “Christian” song that simply expresses all kinds of heartache and defeat and struggle, but never points to the source of truth and freedom, then how does that bring glory to God?  It actually takes away from His glory.  And I just don’t want to do that anymore.  So, these days, I just want to worship Him in complete purity of mind and heart.

Like I said in my previous post, I feel like I have been born again, again.  I feel like I have been given a new heart that is undivided.  As I read in Ezekiel that after the Lord said that He was going to execute judgment on the people of Israel for all of their detestable acts and sin that they committed, that He would bring them back from the land of captivity and He would give them a new heart, one that is undivided.  He would take away their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.  And as a result, the people would return to their land and tear down all their false altars and remove all their vile images from their temple, and they would wholly seek the Lord.  To me, as well as many who have used this verse in sharing the gospel, this describes the salvation experience, when Jesus takes away our old heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh.  And though I had an experience when I was 19 years old when I surrendered my heart to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me of my sins as I acknowledged Him and agreed with the message of the cross, I can’t say that I experienced what I am now experiencing.  I mean, I remember acknowledging my sin and asking for forgiveness, but I don’t remember falling to the floor overcome with such grief and just crying uncontrollably because I realize the gravity of my sin in the light of a holy God.  And I remember being so happy that my sins were forgiven, but I don’t remember just in any given moment being brought to tears simply at the realization of how rich his mercy is to have covered my wretchedness with His love.

Ok, so did I just get saved?  No, I truly believe that when I prayed at age 19 and asked Jesus to become the Lord and Savior of my life, that He truly did at that moment.  But, all I can say is that He has done something in me in this last month that has never been done before.  I can’t fully describe it, but He has done it by His grace.  He has given me a new heart, one that is undivided, one that wholly wants to seeks the Lord.  And I am overwhelmed by His love as I am being drawn by Him. – Cody

7 thoughts on “Drawn by Him…

  1. The LORD really used your facebook site today to bless and speak to me. Your words sum up so many of my desires. Your families testimony inspires me. I was given your name by a patient family of mine . I am an occupational therapist in Mississippi that treats a little guy in remission of neuroblastoma. My patient family and I pray for you often. Just wanted you to know that your beautiful words touched me this morning and that I’m praying for you all! Love in Christ, camille

  2. Greetings Brother, Grace and Peace to You,

    I know that I speak for many when I say that your and Maria’s faith during this difficult time in your life is awe inspiring! I am looking forward to the day when we will all get together again, but this time in celebration of Susana’s healing. We will meet, perhaps in Haiti adain, but definitely in our Fathers Kingdom. May He receive all the glory!
    Give my best to the girls!

    Brian

  3. Cody, I too have had a similar experience just in the past month or so where it’s like I was re-born. I was born again (21 years ago/age 17) but about a month ago I started praying for God to “mess me up” and to do a “quick work” in me. Boy, I realize now how dangerous prayers like that can be! 😀 It’s like I’m falling in love all over again and He is all I want and all I need. It’s even brought me closer to my wife and she is noticing a “stirring” in her spirit. Thanks so much for your raw, candid post of your experience with a holy god. Blessings!

  4. Cody, I will be praying with my family everyday for the healing of your daughter Susana and for God’s continuous blessings on your ministry! I am glad I had the opportunity to have met you both (you & Maria) on two seperate occasions before you initially left for Haiti. Thank you for the openess and honesty in which you share your own spiritual walk and awakening! It is truely an inspiration and helps shed light on my own areas of spiritual darkness and where God wants to work in my life! I too find great comfort in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works fo the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Amen! Take care and Godbless! Love in Christ, Heather Burleigh, Smyrna, Delaware

  5. Cody, thank you for opening up your heart to many. I am sure it has deeply moved and opened up the eyes of many who are struggling in different ways. So many people are afraid to voice what the Lord is doing in their life. How AWESOME it is to experience and FEEL the deep and vast love and presence of our GREAT Lord and Savior! We all need more and more of Him in our lives. How are we to know God, grow in Him, and be a witness to others, if we do not spend time in God’s word? “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11 “The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, because I long for your commandments.” Psalm 119:130-131. It is something I sometimes struggle with also; taking that “quiet” time each day, to spend with the Lord in His word. (I am frequently distracted by the busyness of life.) Don’t get me wrong, I desire time with the Lord, but do I really do it, sometimes, just because I am commanded to? Am I thirsty and drawn to God’s word? “The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.” Psalm 19: 7-11 I also greatly enjoy listening to worship music; it draws my attention to Christ, and I am in prayer throughout the day. We all go through valley’s and “dark” moments, where we feel lost and/or alone. When we are in God’s word, we see His promises and truths that teach, encourage and strengthen us. We tend to get so “busy” in this life. There are so many “idols” in our life, that try to take up our time away from the Lord. It is during those precious moments with the Lord, where we can find refreshing, rest, and grow closer to Christ.

    I am so thankful that I learned to be “real”, back in “our” group of friends at SCSU. I long and pray for more of Christ. This is my heart’s desire and cry: more and more of Christ. I want my life to bring honor and glory to God. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight (and bring honor and glory to Him), O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 Cody, May our Great Lord and Savior continue to mold you and work in you for His divine will and purpose. I pray for your precious family. I pray Susana is doing well. She is in our thoughts and prayers a lot! She is a brave little girl! Give the girls a hug for us. Maria, blessings and encouragement to you! We are praying for you all. 🙂 “I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline Your ear to me; hear my words. Wondrously show Your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at Your right hand. Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings.” Psalm 17: 6-8

  6. The more God draws us, the more He fills us, the
    more we LOVE HIM. And then the more we really
    LOVE others. God is so amazing! When we ask
    him to give us more of a love like his, that is one
    prayer that will not be denied. And after all what else
    in this depraved world is worth singing about except
    HIM. Now we know what is means to love the Lord
    with all our heart, soul and strength.
    Thanks for sharing and encouraging us.

Comments are closed.