Today has been somewhat emotional as I (Cody) sit in the ICU beside my little girl who is going through so much discomfort and pain. Her fever has been up and down. She received several transfusions of blood products. I got her to eat about 12 pieces of pancake, but they also now have her hooked up to nutrients through the I V. She spent most of the day sleeping today. My heart just aches for my child and I want to do something to take away her pain…yet I cannot do anything except tell her how much I love her and tell her that Jesus is right here with her. It is amazing how praying over her calms her and brings her relief. I also pray that the doctors and nurses are being touched by God as they hear me praying over her every time they come in to do a procedure that might cause her pain.
As I have a flood of different emotions throughout my body at this point, I can only come to ONE rock solid conclusion. Jesus is our ONLY hope. I cannot find the comfort that my heart needs simply by reading people’s success stories over neuroblastoma, for with every success story there are also many stories that end in the child losing his/her battle. I can find some moment of encouragement in these stories, but I cannot rest in these stories. I cannot find the comfort my heart needs in seeing how Susana has a positive reaction to a medication or a procedure. Because just as she has a positive reaction to one thing, she then has a negative reaction to something else. Yes, I praise the Lord for the small victories, but I cannot even rest on that.
I can only find true rest in one truth – Christ in us, our hope of glory. Christ in Susana – her hope of glory. 9 And trust me – I know Susana loves Jesus. She always wants to hear the bible read to her. She always wants to sing worship songs. She always wants to pray and have Mommy and Daddy pray for her.) Christ in Isabela – her hope of glory. Christ in Maria – her hope of glory. And by the grace of God, , Christ in me – my hope of glory. God is with us. He has saved us by the blood of Jesus. He has chosen us to be His children. He has given us the faith needed to follow Him. He has given us the desire to know Him and follow hard after Him. He has promised us eternal life in heaven. He has already done everything for us. And He has a plan in all of this that will bring glory to His name.
Yes, He is glorified in delivering His people from their pain, but just as much He is also glorified in His saints suffering and persevering through their pain. If you don’t believe me, just read the bible and see for yourself. Read the Book of 1 Peter. It is all about trusting in the grace of God while undergoing serious trials and suffering. It is a Book that I studied for several months straight just over a year ago, and now I am drawing from the truths found in it. Many of the saints brought glory to the Lord by enduring their most difficult moments, some in which they lived through, but some of which even led to death. And that’s the only reason I can even write about the dreaded word “death”, because Christ is alive. He has swallowed up death in victory. He has forever taken the sting out of death. And this is Christ in us – the hope of glory. This is my ONLY hope. In this truth does my heart find the rest that it so desperately needs this very moment.
Now, I still pray like never before that God is glorified by saving our little girl and giving her many many years here on this earth to bring glory to His name. But when all is said and done, I cannot firmly rest on this. For He may indeed have a different plan to bring glory to His name. I only rest in the truth that He is good and His love will endure forever. May we all be encouraged by that one truth alone. - Cody