Today has been a hard day. The reality just sets in more and more that our little girl has cancer. Sometimes, it just hits me out of nowhere and I just break down and cry. Susana had to have a pick line put in her today so that the chemo can be administered more easily. Basically, it is an IV that remains underneath her skin and goes from her arm up to near her heart. This is how the chemo is administered. Anyway, she had to be put under for this procedure, and I was the one that was with her when they put her under. It was so hard to see my little girl put under, not just because she was being put under for some basic surgical procedure, but that she was being put under so that she can get a pick line that will administer chemotherapy since she has cancer. That is what made it so difficult.
While I was downstairs waiting for her in the family room, Maria was upstairs meeting with her doctor and signing all kinds of consent forms to begin the chemo treatment. Prior to that meeting and prior to her being put under, we met with a social worker who is there to help us with the changes and needs in our life now. It was painful when she started talking about making a referral to the Make a Wish Foundation. I don’t want that for my girl. To me, the Make a Wish Foundation is for a child to get one last hurrah before they die. Lord willing, we will never hear from the Make a Wish Foundation. We don’t have a wish…we have a prayer…”Lord, heal our little girl.”
So, today was a day of painful reality setting in. It was hard. But we praise the Lord for the blessings of Christian brothers and sisters who are touching our lives in the most special way. We had many people visit us today and this always gives us so much encouragement. We are also happy to have my mother, brother, and sister who are here until tomorrow. It is certainly a blessing to have such a wonderful support group. We had a group of us today gather around Susana, lay hands on her, anoint her with oil, and cry out to the Lord for healing. It was beautiful and very emotional.
I spent a lot of time today reading through many different forums and websites about neuroblastoma. In some ways, it was encouraging to hear of some stories of people that were in the same exact situation that we are in, and now they have a child who is healthy and cancer free after several long years of treatment. Yet there were other stories of children who had the same exact diagnosis that Susana has, yet they passed away after a year or two of battling and fighting on such a hard road. So again, I am simply reminded that ultimately this is all in the hands of our great God and Savior. He has the final word. Our trust is in Him.
And so we embark on a long road ahead of us that we know will be filled with more trials and pain than we have ever known. But we know that Jesus walks this road with us and that He will never leave us or forsake us. This is the comfort that we need. And this is the comfort that we have.
But one thing that I am learning through the many forums that I have been on is this: We must learn to wait. We must learn to wait on God. We must learn to wait on the doctors. We must learn to wait on Susana. We must learn to wait for Susana’s body to be able to receive the medication. We must learn to wait and understand that things will not always happen when we expect them to happen. So, we pray that God gives us the grace we need to wait.
Right now, we are waiting for Susana’s blood pressure to go down so that they can begin her first round of chemo. They are about to give her a blood pressure medication. Hopefully, within an hour it should take effect. Then they will give her the medication that will combat the nausea, and then, Lord willing, they will give her the first round of chemo by this evening. – Cody