Last night was day two of chemotherapy. Susana is doing well. Her white blood counts are low so they are giving her a transfusion.
Sometimes the reality hits me. These are not terms that I wanted to learn so soon. Or ever. I’d rather speak in terms of malnourishment, malaria, dengue fever, poverty, starvation, Haiti, earthquakes, etc. These were more comfortable words than the ones I just recently added to my new daily vocabulary. After all, they had nothing to do with my own children. Yes, they were sad words. They invited a sense of pain into our world, but nothing that I can compare with the pain you have when it is your own child who is suffering.
I find myself like Peter. He knew very well that there was nowhere else to turn to, but to Christ and Him alone.
“So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” –John 6:67-69
To whom shall we go? Life is only found in one place. Truth is only found in one place. Healing is found only in one place. Peace and love and comfort and assurance and abundance of mercy are found only in one place. That place is the Person of Christ. All other places are dead end roads that offer empty promises and carry no hope at all.
Some of you have made comments about what a great faith we have. I wish I could tell you that I have done anything to produce the kind of faith that sustains me through my day. I don’t have anything good to offer to such a moment as this. Nothing at all. All that I have is what He has already poured in me. This faith, this grace, this confidence that I now get to witness to the world is just the work of God in my life through years of close communion and fellowship with Him.
Each quiet time was preparation for this moment. Each verse I read was food that strengthened my weak spirit. Each song of praise built my confidence in His love. Each Bible study convinced me more and more that He is good and that He loves me and that all my days belong to Him. Even being in the mission field and watching closely how He worked in the midst of pain and suffering and earthquakes and confusion helped me grow stronger in my walk.
I could not have produced the faith I have. I don’t even think I can. He is the author of it. He is the finisher too. And He has done it all for His glory. I wish I could tell you that I have something to bring to the table. Something of my own. I have nothing. It is all a work of grace. A work of love. And I so much depend of it each step of the way. I know I will forget that He is there. I know that I will question His choices. I know that I am too weak to fully give myself into His perfect will. But I also know that He alone has all that I need for the moment. He has the grace I need for today and for tomorrow. He has the love I need to rock me and our entire family in His arms as we walk through this journey that He has set before us. And I need every brother and sister in Christ to remind me that His grace is sufficient for today because I know I will forget.
“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
“Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”
“For from him and through him and to him are all things (including this trial). To him be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:33-36) –Maria